Dating Violence

Dating violence is controlling, abusive, and aggressive behavior in a romantic relationship. Dating violence can happen to anyone – adult women and men, teenagers, people who are mentally and physically disabled, and the elderly – regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender identity, ability, or economic status. People stay in abusive relationships for many reasons including fear, belief that their abuser needs help and will change, and because they care about the person.

What Is Dating Violence?

An abusive relationship has an imbalance in which one person tries to gain power and control over the other through threats, emotional/verbal abuse, or physical or sexual violence. It can include:

  • Physical violence
  • Sexual violence
  • Stalking
  • Verbal, emotional, mental/psychological, and/or economic abuse
  • Threats, pushing, punching, slapping, strangulation, shouting, and/or name-calling
  • Harming or threatening to harm children or pets, and other violent or intimidating behaviors
  • Isolation from family and friends

Dating Violence Services and Resources at NHTI

  • Campus Safety may assist victims in contacting law enforcement to report a dating violence incident, violation of a protection order, and/or need information on obtaining a dating violence protection order.
  • Dating violence victims are encouraged to provide Campus Safety with any information regarding a dating violence incident/order. Campus Safety can only honor protection orders if it has a photocopy on file of:
    • Bail conditions
    • Temporary and/or final protective dating violence orders
    • Photograph or physical description of the offender
  • The Title IX Office and/or Campus Safety may open a Title IX investigation if the CCSNH Sexual Misconduct Policy was violated.
  • Campus Safety will provide dating violence victims with:
  • Dating violence victims should also be referred to NHTI Health and Counseling Services.
    • NHTI Health and Counseling Services will consult with any student who discloses they are a victim of dating violence.
    • Referral information for follow-up assistance will be provided.

Get Help

  • Let friends/family know you need help.
  • When you go out, let someone know where you are going and when you will return.
  • Go out in a group or with another couple.
  • In an emergency, call 9-1-1

Other Resources

  • Dating Violence Hotline: 1-866-644-3574
  • N.H. State Police: 911
  • Concord Police: 911
  • Concord Hospital: 603-225-2711

Domestic Violence

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another in the context of an intimate or familial relationship. Domestic violence can happen to anyone – adult women and men, teenagers, people who are mentally and physically disabled, and the elderly – regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender identity, ability, or economic status. It can include:

  • Physical violence
  • Sexual violence
  • Stalking
  • Verbal, emotional, mental/psychological, and/or economic abuse
  • Threats, pushing, punching, slapping, strangulation, shouting, and/or name-calling
  • Harming or threatening to harm children or pets, and other violent or intimidating behaviors
  • Isolation from family and friends

Domestic Violence Services and Resources at NHTI

  • Campus Safety may assist individuals in contacting law enforcement to report a dating violence incident, violation of a protection order, and/or need information on obtaining a dating violence protection order.
  • Domestic violence victims are encouraged to provide Campus Safety with any information regarding a dating violence incident/order. Campus Safety can only honor protection orders if it has a photocopy on file of:
    • Bail conditions
    • Temporary and/or final protective dating violence orders
    • Photograph or physical description of the offender
  • The Title IX Office and/or Campus Safety may open a Title IX investigation if the CCSNH Sexual Misconduct Policy was violated.
  • Campus Safety will provide dating violence victims with:
  • Dating violence victims should also be referred to NHTI Health and Counseling Services.
    • NHTI Health and Counseling Services will consult with any student who discloses they are a victim of dating violence.
    • Referral information for follow-up assistance will be provided.

Stalking

What Is Stalking?

N.H. State RSA 633:3-a defines stalking as a course of conduct targeted at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their personal safety or the safety of a member of that person’s immediate family, and the person is actually placed in such fear. Stalking is serious, often violent, and can escalate over time.

Things Stalkers Do

  • Follows the victim and show up wherever they are
  • Sends unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or electronic communications (e-mail, social media messages, etc.)
  • Damages the victim’s home, car, or other property
  • Monitors the victim’s phone calls or computer use
  • Uses technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems (GPS), to track where the victim goes
  • Drives by or hangs out at the victim’s home, school, or work
  • Threaten to hurt the victim and/or the victim’s family, friends, or pets
  • Finds out about the victim by using public records or online search services, hiring investigators, going through the victim’s garbage, or contacting the victim’s friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers
  • Posts information or spreads rumors about the victim on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth
  • Other actions that control, track, or frighten the victim

Victims of Stalking May:

  • Feel fear of what the stalker will do.
  • Feel vulnerable, unsafe, and not know who to trust.
  • Feel anxious, irritable, impatient, or on edge.
  • Feel depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, tearful, or angry.
  • Feel stressed, including having trouble concentrating, sleeping, or remembering things.
  • Have eating problems, such as appetite loss, forgetting to eat, or overeating.
  • Have flashbacks, disturbing thoughts, feelings, or memories.
  • Feel confused, frustrated, or isolated because other people don’t understand why they are afraid.

Stalking Services and Resources at NHTI

  • Campus Safety may assist individuals in contacting law enforcement to report a stalking incident, violation of a protection order, and/or need information on obtaining a stalking protection order.
  • Stalking victims are encouraged to provide Campus Safety with any information regarding a stalking incident/order. Campus Safety can only honor protection orders if it has a photocopy on file of:
    • Bail conditions
    • Temporary and/or final protective dating violence orders
    • Photograph or physical description of the offender
  • The Title IX Office and/or Campus Safety may open a Title IX investigation if the CCSNH Sexual Misconduct Policy was violated.
  • Campus Safety will provide stalking victims with:
  • Stalking victims should also be referred to NHTI Health and Counseling Services.
    • NHTI Health and Counseling Services will consult with any student who discloses they are a victim of stalking.
    • Referral information for follow-up assistance will be provided.

What To Do If You Are In an Abusive Relationship or Are Being Stalked

Dating, domestic violence or stalking victims should be highly involved in choosing what actions need to be taken. Whatever steps are taken, the primary concern for everyone involved is the victim’s safety.

Seek Help

If you are in immediate danger:

  • Call 911 to notify law enforcement.
  • Contact Campus Safety:
    • A Code Blue Phone
    • Emergency line at 603-224-3287
    • Office line at 603-230-4042

If you are not in immediate danger, contact:

  • Law enforcement
  • Contact Campus Safety:
    • A Code Blue Phone
    • Emergency line at 603-224-3287
    • Office line at 603-230-4042
  • If you have been injured, seek medical treatment.
  • Tell family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers about what has happened.
  • Attend a support group for survivors of relationship abuse.
  • Create a safety plan for whether you are leaving or staying in the relationship.

Information on leaving an abusive relationship

Be Proactive

  • Document everything: Save and date any threatening letters, voicemail messages, emails, and/or social media posts from the abuser; these can be used for future legal action or can serve as evidence that an existing civil protection order was violated.
  • Contact your telephone/wireless service provider to get an unlisted number, change your number, and report threatening calls.
  • Block or change social media account information to deny access to your abuser.
  • Do not record any conversation without telling the abuser he or she is being recorded beforehand. It is illegal to record someone without their knowledge/consent and renders such evidence useless.
  • When feasible, change the locks of your home and/or car.
  • If you do not have a cellphone, consider obtaining one.
  • Law enforcement agencies log complaints each time they receive a call. Request a copy of each report.

How You Can Obtain a Protective Order

If you would like to obtain a protection order against your abuser/stalker, you will need to contact the local district court where the abuse occurred. Law enforcement can assist you with information on obtaining a protection order.

  • Once you petition the court, you may be granted a temporary order of protection.
  • You will be provided a hearing date.
  • Protection orders should specify restrictions at NHTI if both parties are students.
  • Obtain and keep copies of warrants, protective orders, court orders, and any other legal documentation.
  • It is important you document any police report number, court docket, or file number of your complaint so you can follow up on the complaint.

Reporting Requirements by School Officials

Staff, faculty, and those designated as Campus Security authorities who receive information that an individual is being stalked are required to report it to the Title IX coordinator or Campus Safety.

NH RSA 169-C:29 requires victims of dating violence and stalking who are under the age of 18 be reported to specific authorities. NH RSA 161-F:46 requires victims of dating violence and stalking who are 18 years of age or older and is referred to under Division of Elderly and Adult Services guidelines as dependent on others to manage personal, home, or financial affairs or as a vulnerable person that it be reported to specific authorities. Persons who do not fall into any of the categories but are victims of dating violence and stalking must be asked whether they object to having their injuries reported to the police. Reference the List of Crimes that Must be Reported page for legal requirements for reporting dating violence, specifically in reference to child abuse and neglect and
protective services to adult.

Being a victim of dating violence is not your fault. Nothing you say, wear, or do gives anyone the right to hurt you.

If you think you are in an abusive relationship, get help. Talk to someone you trust like a parent, professor, counselor, co-worker, or campus safety officer. If you want help deciding whom to talk to, call the Dating Violence Hotline at 1-866-644-3574. They are available 24 hours a day, and you can speak to someone anonymously. NHTI counselors can provide additional resources to you.

If you have been a victim of dating violence, you might think it’s your fault. You might feel angry, sad, lonely, depressed, confused, helpless to stop the abuse, and anxious about what might happen next.

Who You Should See on Campus

Anyone who is a victim of sexual harassment, dating violence, domestic violence, and stalking can report the incident to one of the following people:

Laura Pantano, Ed.D.
Vice President for Student Affairs and Title IX Coordinator
NHTI – Concord’s Community College
31 College Drive
Concord, NH 03301
lpantano@ccsnh.edu
603-271-6484 x4128

Campus Safety
NHTIcampussafety@ccsnh.edu
603-230-4042 (Daytime)
603-224-3287 (Nights/weekends/emergencies)